The Tom-Dee Culture

It's not just gay men who are all over this city. Girl to girl couplings can be found everywhere in Pattaya too. Do you picture now why this city is called the sin city? Hehe. But it's important to know that you should not call them lesbians here, not like in the Philippines. They prefer less general monikers, more specifically 'toms' for tomboys and 'dees' for ladies.

As you know, tom is a woman who behaves like a man. They’re exactly like boys, only their bodies aren’t the same. Let me share the tom-dee culture here in my own perspective.

To be a 'tom' is to adopt the male gender role completely: wearing jeans and T-shirts, binding breasts to their chest and refusing, even in the bedroom, to disrobe and shatter the illusion of maleness. To be 'dee' is to girl-it-out to the max: lipstick, sparkly handbags and heels.

A tom is like a guy but way better to most of the dees. Toms take them shopping, carry their bags and, in the bedroom, focus exclusively on pleasuring their dee.

There are bars made exclusive for girls only. Customers or patrons are toms served by dees to give them the pleasure they want, or sometimes, just the company or attention they need. Thailand’s unflinching acceptance of same-sex couples is hugely appealing to lesbians outside the country too. If you visit BangkokLesbian.com, it has become a forum for lesbians in Bangkok who don’t play by the tom-dee rules. Of the 1,100 members, about half are Thai.

They even have an exclusive magazine for toms. I was surprised to see that in one of the convenient stores here. If you go to some of the bars and clubs in Walking Street, you would see toms working as staff, doing the job used to be exclusive for men before. I never had a certified tom friend in my life. I had dees, but not toms. I'm curious to know how it is, how's life as a tom, and how is it different (or there's none) to gay guy's life. Maybe, someday, I'll have a tom friend. And will get all the answers to my questions...