On Looks & Face Value

The other day, I got a message in BBM from someone (itago na lang natin siya sa pangalang Rayan, LOL) who recently added me and had this kind of conversation. Read for yourself...

I hate this kind of people. And I hate having conversations with them. Unfortunately I had one with him which I didn't expect. Actually, I was honest enough when I said "no" to his question because based from his DP, medyo okay naman. Ikinainit nang ulo ko yung part na sinabi niyang "Sunget naman neto". Nag-liyab tuloy ulo ko. Yung ganito... Hehe.

Okay, since it's BBM, walang tono, walang facial reaction, no body movement or whatsoever, sabihin na nating namis-interpret niya yung sinabi ko. Akala niya nagsusungit ako. But I wasn't. I was plainly just telling the truth that it's hard for me to really tell it because I haven't seen him. I don't even know him. I realized then, why are some people so hooked about their looks. Obsessing on having such great face value.

This is a point of view of someone who has not been gifted with great looks & face value. Okay, hindi ako nagpapaawa or waiting for someone to say, "Uy, hindi naman". Seriously, I have accepted it. Truth to the matter is, it's not so much important to me that it wasn't much relevant to my existence. Let me tell you why...

First, acceptance is the freedom to imprisonment of it. Instead of getting sick of your face problem, why not just accept it and live with it. In fact, it doesn't say if you don't have it, you won't survive in this world. That's not the case. It was not for me at all. I lived my life not minding too much of it. And yes, I said not too much. Because I still somehow did. Who wouldn't? I don't want to be a hypocrite. But I did not get obsessed with it. I guess for some good reasons...

In love, ayan, pagdating diyan, hindi naman ako na-deprive. Hindi naman ako naging single for life. In fact, hindi naman ako nabakante. At hindi po ako nagyayabang. Kahit nung sa other side pa ako. Nagka-girlfriends naman ako. At nung tumalon sa kabilang bakod, nagkaroon pa nga ako nang siyam na relasyon (including hubbee). Hindi ko rin naman masabing patapon yung mga naka-relasyon ko mapababae man o mapalalake, kasi may mga itsura naman sila at magagandang katangian (gusto ko sana i-post mga pictures nila, nahihiya lang ako, haha).

And while I'm single, nagkakaroon naman ako nang mga dates. At hindi uli sa pagmamayabang, I even had a casual sex sa isang kilalang male celebrity at not so known ramp model which I still can't believe it happened. But it did. My face value, same as before and today. On looks, I was never that hunky sexy buff type guy. In short, hindi ko naging puhunan talaga ang mukha at katawan sa buhay para maranasan lahat iyon. Naranasan ko naman nang normal ang buhay tulad sa mga nabiyayaan pero siyempre iba pa rin yung sa kanila. Mas lamang sila sa mga ganyan. Hehe.

What am I trying to say?

I noticed kasi that many single guys nowadays invest so much in their physical attributes rather than their inner beauty. A lot would go to the gym, get their abs, be the sexiest hunk in town but their personality sucks! Mga frequent visitors sa mga clinics, spa, or beauty enhancement shops pero pag nagsalita, jologs! Mga sumasali nang male beauty contests pero nakikipag negosyo sa mga bilihan nang tropeyo kapalit nang isang gabi!

I mean there's nothing wrong with those enhancements, really. If I'm given a chance, I would try some too. Why not. We're all human and our society gives a special treatment to those who looks good. Let's admit that. But we should never ever forget to enhance our inner beauty also. That's my point. Our values, our moral, our personality. Because sa usapang pagwapuhan, oo, hindi yan masyado lilitaw. Kung ano lang ang nakikita nang mata, yun lang yun. Pero sa usapang pag-ibig, pangmatagalang relasyon, which everyone desires of, it's a different story.

Normally, I ask hubbee, why does he love me. Hobby ko yun. I sometime say andami namang nagpapa-cute sa kanya na gwapo, sexy, macho, may dating, kilala, etc. But why does he stay with me. I'm no match with them. Then the countless good reasons are uttered. All based from the strong foundation of a good relationship. He said he would rather stay in love with someone who has good set of values, good moral and conduct, has discipline, has self-control, and an amazing personality (at pinuri ko daw ang sarili ko dito). Sampung tapik sa balikat ko!

Then sabay sasabihing, "di ka naman panget mackee, cute ka nga sa paningin ko". Tapos maniniwala na ako. Haha. Just kidding. 

We may have different views about this but I still encourage people, most especially to the single ones, na be patient in love. Don't compete with the society that put so much emphasis on good looks and face value. Pag minahal ka dahil sa itsura mo lang, pustahan tayo, di yan tatagal! Remember that in love, it's not recognized by the heart. Our heart has its own eyes that sees deeper than the ones in our head. At yun yung masayang love. Yung nagwapuhan yung heart sa tao, hindi yung mata niya.

Pero ako, gusto ko pa din magpagwapo. Haha. Sabay bawi! Not because to attract others, but to feel good about myself, and be a better partner for hubbee. Hindi ko na issue yung pinagsasabi ko dito kasi matagal na kami. Kaya sa mga singles out there, sabay pagwapuhin ang panlabas at panloob na anyo. Pansinin niyo, marami ding gwapo na di matagpuan ang love kasi panget ang ugali nila. Hehe. Sa mga di masyado nabiyayaan, maging inspirasyon niyo sana ako. LOL!

Happy Chapter XXXIV

Today, hubbee and I celebrate our 34th monthsary. I remember before, I never believed in celebrating monthsaries. Parang corny or OA sa akin dati yun. But after being in many relationships, masaktan nang ilang beses, at nagkaroon nang trend na madaling natatapos na relasyon sa pagka-sawain ko, nung makilala ko si hubbee, ginawa kong special ang monthsary. Why? Because relationships nowadays does not have guarantee. It's hard to be sure that it will last. Kaya habang nakaka-ilang monthsaries, we try to celebrate it.

Eh nakailang monthsaries na, kami pa din. My longest gay relationship ever. At dahil naging trend na ang monthsary celebration, we continued the tradition. We look at every month as a new chapter for both of us. New things to learn together, from each other and from the world, new experiences, but the same love to treasure. Let's admit it, bihira na ang mga relasyong tumatagal sa panahon ngayon. Kaya di na biro itong sa amin, lalo na sa akin. Haha! Napatunayan ko na sa mga kaibigan kong kaya ko palang magbago. Dumating lang ang tamang tao. At si hubbee yun.

I remember this song "Fallin" by Janno Gibbs. I used to dedicate this to hubbee when we were just getting to know each other years ago. I asked my sister to take a video of me singing this song kasi ide-dedicate ko siya kay hubbee. I saw this video when I checked my account in Youtube today. Haha. Memories. Ang payat ko pa dito. At eto pa yung luma naming sala. Haha. But it's good to reminisce the memories of the times where it's all just starting. I love you hubbee. Happy Chapter XXXIV! Our first monthsary of being apart from each other... Huhu.

Animal Day

This one jump started my day. Haha. Akala ko talaga, Animal Day today. LOL. Just saw this in Facebook. And I suddenly thought of writing about "Ex" of our lives. I wonder why people gets too bitter about their past relationship. That's where I want to play my thoughts on. Why do people can't move on with their ex?

A lot of reasons maybe. Maybe they were hurt so much of what happened. Emotionally, or maybe physically. It does happen. Pinagpalit sa iba. Money issue. Or a very long relationship that involved so many investments in different aspects na nauwi sa wala. Or magpapakasal na dapat pero nakabuntis nang iba. Or in a gay relationship, pinagpalit sa kaibigan mo. A lot of reasons talaga.

I mentioned before that I have been to many relationships as well. Some were not a happy ending too. But I don't want to divulge the information because I respect the people I used to love. In some ways, I still want to protect them. But I got hurt too. Yes, by some of them. I had feelings of regret din naman. But one thing I never did for my ex, no matter how painful it was, is yung iyakan ang natapos na relasyon. Never talaga. I just move on.

But how do I move on?

I go to far places, alone. May lahing masukista ata ako. I drown myself in loneliness and despair for a couple of days para todo na so I can move on. Lumalayo ako at gusto ko walang nakakakita sa prosesong pinagdadaanan ko. Haha. Ma-pride din siguro ako. Ayokong binibitbit sa buhay ang panget na nangyari kaya gusto ko siya agad maalis sa buhay ko. Gusto ko agad agad. And once I'm drained about it, I start picking up myself and move on with my life. Move to the next one. That's how I do it.

But honestly, I am thankful for those painful and bitter experiences. Because I have learned so much from those. Sabi nga nila, great lessons are learned most especially when you felt hardship and pain in the process. Because of those people, I have learned how to love in a better way and how to really manage a long-lasting relationship. It took me 8 people to learn how to love hubbee well. It took me 8 break ups to learn the art of a gay relationship.

Kaya minsan, natatawa na lang ako sa ibang tao sa Twitter na grabe ang pagka bitter sa ex. Tapos meron ding ilan na jusko, akala mo tinransfer na nila ang buong buhay nila sa ex nila at di sila maka-move on. Pag tinatanong ko kung ilang taon na sila, eh kababata pa. Akala mo parang katapusan na nang mundo na nila. Haha. Ako nga 28 years old na ako nung nakatagpo nang tamang taong mamahalin. Ganun talaga sa love. It's a risk. You'll never know when will the right one come. May maaga, may late, may sobrang late din. Kanya kanyang storya yan.

Anyways, going back, as much as I want to stay friends with all of my ex, isa sa kanila patay na. Yung iba, ayaw ako kausapin. Yung iba, in-add ko sa Facebook, dinelete naman ako. Yung iba, dedma na lang talaga. Hehe. So far, tatlo na lang sila na I'm still connected with. Minsan, kamustahan. Masaya na ako sa ganun. I would love to be friends with my ex. And I will never treat them like animals. Hehe. Love ko pa rin naman sila, in a different level na nga lang.

Macbee's Mindanao Adventure

So after our Luzon and Visayas adventure summary, I'd like to share our memorable Mindanao adventure. This is where it all started. The love, the travels, the photography that hubbee and I shared.

Cagayan De Oro, Misamis Oriental. This is where hubbee was born and where he spent most of his life. When I finally went to CDO last 2009, our relationship became official. But it didn't even become our first agenda. We immediately started our adventure the day I arrived. We only became official on my second night there. And this was happening while the thypoon Ondoy was hitting Manila big time! We we're back in CDO last year for a quick vacation, another water rafting experience and a "meet the parents" scene. Hehe.

Dahilayan, Bukidnon. This was the official first adventure of macbee. Hubbee brought me to this beautiful adventure park in Bukidnon and forced me to try out the zipline. I swear, it almost killed me but the experience was worth it. It was a pure fear factor for me, while he was enjoying all these thrills. Last year, we brought our good friends Wee Dimalanta and Rhoger Reyes here to try the zipline as well. The place has changed compare to the last time we were there.

Iligan, Lanao Del Norte. It was a side trip where we spent one day to visit Ma. Cristina Falls and the sudden hit Tinago Falls. When I was a kid, Ma. Cristina Falls has always been part of my Philippine History. And seeing it live was memorable. But the highlight was the Tinago Falls. It was gorgeous. A must try when you're in Iligan also is their lechon. Grabe, ang sarap talaga!

Mambajao, Camiguin.When we went back to Mindanao last year, this place was our first in the list. Coming from airport, we traveled going to the pier for our trip to Camiguin. We stayed there for overnight but did all the tour during the afternoon on the day we arrived there. We visited the falls, the sunken cemetery, the old ruins, and the park.

Next month, we have booked a Davao flight to explore the southern part of Mindanao together. Although we've been there before nung di pa kami, we just want to have pictures together para idagdag sa gallery namin, Hehe. Kaso di na mangyayari yun dahil aalis na nga ako. Uuwi na lang si hubbee para magbakasyon sa family niya. Next time na lang!

Love And Break-ups

Hindi mo man makita na trending worlwide ang #Hiwalayan sa twitter, pero mukhang uso siya recently ha. I'm an avid fan of love and romance. Gusto ko masaya mga tao. Pangarap ko nga maging kupido nung bata ako. Gusto kong nakakarinig nang mga love stories, how it all started and how love is shared by couples. From time to time, masarap kiligin sa mga ganito. Aminin man natin o hindi, masarap talaga ang love. Ang ma-inlove. At yung feeling nang in-love.

But it sucks to hear when people tell you that they broke up with their partner. Ang standard reaction ko sa ganyan eh "ha? bakit? pano? kelan?". Ganyan. Maraming tanong. Hehe. Palagi kasi akong apektado sa pagreact about break up news. Ayoko kasi nang mga break-ups. Kalakip kasi niyan ang sakit. Ang luha. Ang pighati. May nahihirapan. May tumitigil ang mundo. May nahihirapan gumalaw. Sad that a few people I know, the relationship that just started has now ended.

This is my 9th relationship with a guy. Okay wag na natin pag-usapan yung sa girls. I had to go thru 8 relationships to learn what really love is and how to be in a commitment in this set-up. And in those 8 relationships I experienced the pain of break-ups. So I know how it feels to have that pain inside your heart. It's not an easy stage nor a wonderful experience. But truth to the matter is, you learn a lot from love and break-ups.

 

There's always two sides of the story. One from each other. Sad minsan dahil yung iba, from kilig at suyuan nung una, nauuwi sa away at sumbatan. Some prefer to be civil, be distant from each other and just forget what happened. Maraming versions na din ang break-up ngayon. May "in your face", may thru text, meron na din ngayon thru social media. I wonder, may level of impact ba siya o pareho lang din?

Hindi ako takot masaktan. Hindi din ako takot mawalan. Alam ni hubbee yan. Before kasi, hindi talaga ako nakakatagal sa isang relasyon. Palaging months. Sawain kasi ako. Lame excuses. Pero siguro, hindi lang talaga pa siya yung tamang tao. Although lahat naman sila, minahal ko nang totoo. But most of them, ako ang nag-end. Yung iba, I gave them reason to end it para sa kanila manggaling.

No one knows the future of me and hubbee but ever since we started this relationship, I've always been ready just in case na dadating kami dun. Dahil ganun nga ang trend ko in the past. Pero wag naman sana. Although once, umabot kami sa point na muntikan na pero buti naayos namin. Kaka-expect ko ata ni di tatagal, siya pa yung tumagal. At pinakamatagal ha.

No matter how we don't like it, but as long as love exists, umiikot din kasama sa storya ang mga hiwalayan. Parang kung may araw, dapat may buwan, kung may puti, dapat may itim, kung may maganda, dapat may panget. Habang may taong in-love, may mga tao namang nasasaktan. This is how it works. The irony of life. Pero ang wish ko, sa mga taong nag-decide na magmahal, sana panindigan at pangatawan. Huwag sanang gawing laro ang pag-ibig. Bawasan natin ang mga taong nasasaktan sa mundo...