On Looks & Face Value

The other day, I got a message in BBM from someone (itago na lang natin siya sa pangalang Rayan, LOL) who recently added me and had this kind of conversation. Read for yourself...

I hate this kind of people. And I hate having conversations with them. Unfortunately I had one with him which I didn't expect. Actually, I was honest enough when I said "no" to his question because based from his DP, medyo okay naman. Ikinainit nang ulo ko yung part na sinabi niyang "Sunget naman neto". Nag-liyab tuloy ulo ko. Yung ganito... Hehe.

Okay, since it's BBM, walang tono, walang facial reaction, no body movement or whatsoever, sabihin na nating namis-interpret niya yung sinabi ko. Akala niya nagsusungit ako. But I wasn't. I was plainly just telling the truth that it's hard for me to really tell it because I haven't seen him. I don't even know him. I realized then, why are some people so hooked about their looks. Obsessing on having such great face value.

This is a point of view of someone who has not been gifted with great looks & face value. Okay, hindi ako nagpapaawa or waiting for someone to say, "Uy, hindi naman". Seriously, I have accepted it. Truth to the matter is, it's not so much important to me that it wasn't much relevant to my existence. Let me tell you why...

First, acceptance is the freedom to imprisonment of it. Instead of getting sick of your face problem, why not just accept it and live with it. In fact, it doesn't say if you don't have it, you won't survive in this world. That's not the case. It was not for me at all. I lived my life not minding too much of it. And yes, I said not too much. Because I still somehow did. Who wouldn't? I don't want to be a hypocrite. But I did not get obsessed with it. I guess for some good reasons...

In love, ayan, pagdating diyan, hindi naman ako na-deprive. Hindi naman ako naging single for life. In fact, hindi naman ako nabakante. At hindi po ako nagyayabang. Kahit nung sa other side pa ako. Nagka-girlfriends naman ako. At nung tumalon sa kabilang bakod, nagkaroon pa nga ako nang siyam na relasyon (including hubbee). Hindi ko rin naman masabing patapon yung mga naka-relasyon ko mapababae man o mapalalake, kasi may mga itsura naman sila at magagandang katangian (gusto ko sana i-post mga pictures nila, nahihiya lang ako, haha).

And while I'm single, nagkakaroon naman ako nang mga dates. At hindi uli sa pagmamayabang, I even had a casual sex sa isang kilalang male celebrity at not so known ramp model which I still can't believe it happened. But it did. My face value, same as before and today. On looks, I was never that hunky sexy buff type guy. In short, hindi ko naging puhunan talaga ang mukha at katawan sa buhay para maranasan lahat iyon. Naranasan ko naman nang normal ang buhay tulad sa mga nabiyayaan pero siyempre iba pa rin yung sa kanila. Mas lamang sila sa mga ganyan. Hehe.

What am I trying to say?

I noticed kasi that many single guys nowadays invest so much in their physical attributes rather than their inner beauty. A lot would go to the gym, get their abs, be the sexiest hunk in town but their personality sucks! Mga frequent visitors sa mga clinics, spa, or beauty enhancement shops pero pag nagsalita, jologs! Mga sumasali nang male beauty contests pero nakikipag negosyo sa mga bilihan nang tropeyo kapalit nang isang gabi!

I mean there's nothing wrong with those enhancements, really. If I'm given a chance, I would try some too. Why not. We're all human and our society gives a special treatment to those who looks good. Let's admit that. But we should never ever forget to enhance our inner beauty also. That's my point. Our values, our moral, our personality. Because sa usapang pagwapuhan, oo, hindi yan masyado lilitaw. Kung ano lang ang nakikita nang mata, yun lang yun. Pero sa usapang pag-ibig, pangmatagalang relasyon, which everyone desires of, it's a different story.

Normally, I ask hubbee, why does he love me. Hobby ko yun. I sometime say andami namang nagpapa-cute sa kanya na gwapo, sexy, macho, may dating, kilala, etc. But why does he stay with me. I'm no match with them. Then the countless good reasons are uttered. All based from the strong foundation of a good relationship. He said he would rather stay in love with someone who has good set of values, good moral and conduct, has discipline, has self-control, and an amazing personality (at pinuri ko daw ang sarili ko dito). Sampung tapik sa balikat ko!

Then sabay sasabihing, "di ka naman panget mackee, cute ka nga sa paningin ko". Tapos maniniwala na ako. Haha. Just kidding. 

We may have different views about this but I still encourage people, most especially to the single ones, na be patient in love. Don't compete with the society that put so much emphasis on good looks and face value. Pag minahal ka dahil sa itsura mo lang, pustahan tayo, di yan tatagal! Remember that in love, it's not recognized by the heart. Our heart has its own eyes that sees deeper than the ones in our head. At yun yung masayang love. Yung nagwapuhan yung heart sa tao, hindi yung mata niya.

Pero ako, gusto ko pa din magpagwapo. Haha. Sabay bawi! Not because to attract others, but to feel good about myself, and be a better partner for hubbee. Hindi ko na issue yung pinagsasabi ko dito kasi matagal na kami. Kaya sa mga singles out there, sabay pagwapuhin ang panlabas at panloob na anyo. Pansinin niyo, marami ding gwapo na di matagpuan ang love kasi panget ang ugali nila. Hehe. Sa mga di masyado nabiyayaan, maging inspirasyon niyo sana ako. LOL!

Happy Birthday Ray

Ray as how we call her, Ray Marie Soriano is her complete name and is the bestfriend of Nana here in Pattaya. She calls her Istampyudit for reasons I don't know yet (matanong nga bukas, I always forget). And when in stage performing, she's called Rya. She's one of the vocalist in her band who likes Beyonce that's why she moves and sings like her when in stage. She can be Shakira at times who can jiggle wiggle her ass at stage to entertain the people in the crowd. She's a very good performer as I may say and has a striking charm when you watch her on stage.

I met her few days when I arrived here in Pattaya. Katapat lang nang kwarto nila Nano at Nana ang room ni Ray. Magaan na agad ang loob ko sa kanya simula pa lang. I'm very picky with people, and I choose the people I interact with. But with her, it was an instant connection, just like with Nana. Days passed, nagkakasama kaming tatlo sa apartment nila nano at nana, kwentuhan lang, tambay, tawanan, nood nang tv, or minsan, nag-aaya sila kumain sa labas. Doon na nabuo ang samahan naming tatlo.

Yesterday, it was her birthday. She did not plan any birthday party because she has work. So Nana sent a BBM message while I was at the gym. She asked me to go to Lima Lima (that's where Ray performers) so I can join Ray's birthday night. Ray wanted that so I obliged since it's her birthday. I enjoy watching their band din naman so I went there. Kahit mag-isa, go pa din. Pagdating, order nang Singha, nood, video nang performance ni Ray, palakpak, indak sa musika, ganun. Kahit may mga babaeng lumalapit sa akin kagabi (dalawa din yun, magkasunod), sakit sa ulo. Di po ako straight. LOL!

Until their first set break, I saw her band mates gave her a cake, a whisky and a card. Ray wasn't talking about her birthday that's why she was surprised how they knew it. But I was happy for her. Nung tumabi nga sa akin si Ray, I asked her if she's happy. She said yes naman. That was my wish for her. To be happy, not just only on her birthday but for the rest of the days to come. She's a beautiful person in and out and she deserves unending happiness. Masayahin at mabuting tao talaga si Ray.

After 4 sets, tapos na ang tugtog nila. Tapos na ang trabaho niya. We went to Candy Shop to see if her friends are still there. Para mag-inom at mag-celebrate sila. Ako pass na ako sa ganun. Di naman talaga ako umiinom. Gusto ko lang siya ihatid dun. Kaso pagdating doon, wala na mga kaibigan niya. Di pala niya nasabihan. Haha. Kaya nag-aya na lang kumain si Ray. Dinala niya ako sa Hamburger Denmark. Doon daw sila madalas kumain nang burger ni Nana dati. In fairness, masarap naman ang burger nila.

Doon na kami nagkwentuhan ni Ray. Doon ko siya mas nakilala. That it was becoming a dancer or a cop ang naging dream niya pala noon, hindi talaga pagkanta. We exchanged some stories of our lives na din. It feels good to meet someone like here especially that I'm just new here in Pattaya. A friend like her gives me good reason to stay aside from the good company of my cousins and Nana. Ray is a friend, a sister and family to me now, the same treatment I give to Nana. And when I consider someone like that, I treasure it forever. Happy Birthday Ray! I wish you all the best!!!

Watch some of Ray's performance in Lima Lima last night as she celebrates her special day...

Skype & Long Distance Call

Nung napunta ako sa Thailand, bihira na ang text ni mommy sa akin. Naisip niya siguro mahal. Hehe. Dati kasi, palaging si text yun. Nung natutunan niya paano gamitin ang Facebook recently, panay naman ang message. Oh moms! Haha. Sabi ko na eh, gagawa at gagawa nang paraan yun para makulit niya ako. And just the other day, she messaged me and said...

"Skype tayo!"

Huwawawee! Natutunan na din ang skype. LOL. At dahil wala akong skype account, nag video chat na lang kami sa Facebook. Ang saya ko. Just when I need to see and hear my mom. Our relationship is not the type na nagsasabihan nang mga problema sa buhay ko. Siya oo, pero ako, hindi ko kinalakihan. Parang ang gusto ko lang sa mother-son relationship namin is yung masayang moments lang. Sinasarili ko ang mga saloobin at problema ko. Kaya nung nag-chat kami, kwentuhan lang. Nakagaan sa loob ko. Na-miss ko tuloy si mommy nang sobra!

The other day naman, nag-e-emo-han na naman kami ni hubbee sa BBM. Hehe. Ganyan talaga siguro pag miss niyo na isa't isa. Walang katapusang emo-han. Haha. Sobrang miss ko na si hubbee. Sabi ko, tawag ako minsan. Gusto ko lang marinig boses niya..

The next day, nagload ako para matawagan siya. It costs 15B per minute ang tawag sa Pilipinas from Thailand. Kaya I spent 10 minutes to talk to hubbee para marinig lang boses niya uli. Ang naging usapan? Puro I miss you, I love you, paulit ulit. Haha. Sumigaw agad ako nung pag-hello niya. Haha. "Hubbeeeeeeeee!!!!!". Yan. Mga ganyang kahabang hubbee. Tapos maya maya, nagsalita...

"Nabasa ko blog mo. Ikaw talaga, gastos ka nang gastos. Bili ka nang bili. Mag-control ka mackee!".

Sabi ko na eh, di ako makakaligtas. Haha! Na-imagine ko ang bisaya niyang mukha. Haha. Na-miss ko tuloy. Then changed the topic. Nakalusot. Haha. Sayang ang minutes sa sermon. Hehe. Hay! Ang saya ko! Pero bitin. Hehe. Parang quickee na sex lang. 10 minutes lang. LOL. Ang buhay nang malayo sa mga mahal mo, umaasa sa Skype & Long Distance Call. Pero buti na lang, there are means and ways to communicate with your loved ones.

Pattaya King Bed

Kanina, habang nasa gym, magka-BBM kami ni hubbee. Everytime we have a conversation, nagiging emotional ako. Kung dati, ang walang kasawaang salita sa loob nang condo namin eh "I love you", ngayong magkalayo na kami, naging "Miss na kita". Hindi nawawala yung salitang yun palagi. At ngayong nasa kama ako, biglang pinatugtog ang isa sa mga favorite kong kanta ni Rihanna sa TV, ang California King Bed. Everytime I hear this song, I get emotional. Ewan ko ba!

Chest to chest, nose to nose

Palm to palm, we were always just that close

Wrist to wrist, toe to toe 

Lips that felt just like the inside of a rose

Ganyan kami ni hubbee dati. Halos di na kami mapaghiwalay. Lagi kami nakadikit sa isa't isa. Gusto ko lagi kong nakikita si hubbee. Gusto ko lagi ako nakadikit sa kanya. Gusto ko either hawak ko kamay niya, or naka hug ako, or nakasandal ulo ko sa kanya. Kapag matagal siyang nawawala sa tabi ko, hinahanap ko na agad siya. Kaya imagine how hard it is for me to take all of these..

In this California king bed

We're ten thousand miles apart

I've been California wishing on these stars

For your heart on me, my California king

Oh well, wala ako sa California kaya Pattaya King Bed na lang. Haha. Kasi king bed talaga ang kama ko dito. But yes, hubbee and I are miles apart. Not sure lang kung ten thousand miles apart. LOL. But every night, I do wish on the stars that someday, hubbee and I will be together again. And sana soon. Wala namang limit sa wish.

Hay! Palagi ko na lang sinasabi sa sarili ko na sa simula lang ito, makakayanan ko din ang pangungulila ko kay hubbee. Pero sana nga, makayanan ko. Baka umuwi na lang ako bigla kung hindi. Hehe. Tapos babatukan ako ni hubbee at ni mommy, sasabihin, "Pa-thailand thailand ka pa ha, uuwi ka din pala". Haha. I can imagine that scene!

Here's another rendition of California King Bed by The Anser. The guys are great. They sing very well. Too bad they did not make it on X Factor last year. Enjoy!

Drunk

 

I don't really drink and I don't normally go out to get drunk. But tonight was an exception. I got home so drunk, the first time I felt this heavy truck inside my head. It sucks! This is why I don't drink and get drunk. This shit feeling after...

While I'm on my way back to Pattaya from Bangkok, my cousins were sending me messages over BBM. It's Janice's last night sa Pattaya na daw that's why they want to watch her and they are inviting me to join them. Janice is a famous pinay band singer in Thailand. She's actually the highest paid pinay singer. It's her last night at the Candy Shop at babalik na sa Bangkok bukas. Sumunod na lang ako. Candy Shop is located at the Walking Street. Nilakad ko lang kasi malapit lang siya sa place ko.

Dahil na-try ko ang Singha Beer sa Bangkok and it did not knock me off, pumayag na ako sa invite nila to order a drink. The place was crowded, as expected, nang mga pokpok at nang mga foreigners, but the music jamming was a blast. Now I know why they are paid high. They are really really very very good. Nadala na ako nang music, na-enjoy ko na ang gabi, ang mga kasama at ang iniinom.

Lumipat naman kami sa Lucifer kung saan kumakanta si Nana. Di kami nagtagal dun dahil nauusukan si buntis kaya tumambay sa labas. Pagdating doon, may inabot na naman na Singha Beer. Inom na naman. Then balik uli nang Candy Shop. Sayaw. Indak. Inom. Hanggang sa nagutom lahat, umalis, pumunta nang KFC. Kumain. Pagkabusog, umuwi na mga pinsan ko. Pero si Janice at si Ray, yung bestfriend ni Nana, bumalik pa nang Walking Street.

At sumama ako sa kanila..

Ayoko pang umuwi. Ayoko munang mag-isa. Ayoko nang pagkakataong nag-iisip ka. Inaliw ko ang sarili ko kasama si Janice at si Ray. Bumalik nang Candy Shop. Nakilala ang ilang mga pinoy. May pinakilala ding vocalist na may itsura na ang kwento eh nagpapaka lalaki sa stage pero ang totoo, kauri. Nung napanood ko, totoo nga. 

Maya maya, bumalik na naman kami sa Lucifer, andun na ang ilang mga pinoy pa. Andami. Mga nagbabanda din. Nagkukumpulan na sa labas. Tapos na kasi ang mga gig. Yung iba, off nila. At simula 8:00 pm pa sila nag-iinom. Inalok na ako nang shot. Eto na, alak na. I refused. Quotang quota na kasi ako talaga. Pero binulungan ako ni Ray na wag mag-refuse, pa-welcome daw sa akin yun. So I had no choice but to take it. Hala, nagtuloy tuloy na ang mga pangyayari. Kwentuhan. Shot. Pakikisama. Pag-aaliw. 

Ending balance = DRUNK!

Umexit na ako. Baka di na ako makauwi pag di pa ako makaalis. Baka pulutin na lang ako sa kalsada. Ramdam ko na yung tama. Nilakad ko uli yung pauwi ko. Pinilit kong makauwi nang maayos kahit umiikot ikot paligid ko. Ganun pala yung feeling. Damn shit! And I thought na babagsak ako pagdating sa apartment. But I wasn't. What the hell is wrong with me! This is not so me!

I went out. I went to 7-eleven. Bumili ako nang comfort food ko. I think it was what I needed. Magnum Ice Cream. Tumambay ako sa balcony. Nagmasid nang mga tao sa baba. Nagpapababa nang amats. Shit! I can't believe I'm experiencing all of this. Sabi nga nang isang friend dito, when you are in Pattaya, you get drunk. Well, ngayon lang to. Di na mauulit ito. Sana...