Intimacy WIthout Sex

Upon browsing through some blogs I follow, I got inspired to one article I read and thought of putting my zombie brain into writing about Intimacy. But this time, a question of "can people achieve intimacy without sex?". It's quite interesting to play your thoughts on this as many people nowadays cannot, really!. But honestly, there are a few who can and it's quite actually possible if you'll think about it. Aminin na lang natin na madami lang talagang maiinit at nagmamadali. Amen? LOL.

A lot of gay men nowadays are so desperate for intimacy at di na sila nakikinig sa mabuting anghel sa kanang balikat nila. Lagi dun sa kaliwa. Haha. After the initial connection, sugod na agad. Attack! Then natatapos na ang pinagpantasyahang relasyon sana. Bakit? Nawala na agad ang excitement kasi. Ang intimacy. Remember that Intimacy is built on connection through mutual experience or feeling. It takes time for these things to build. Okay, mutual experience doesn’t mean mutual masturbation ha. It means sharing yourselves with each other, finding common interests and connection.

Magbibigay ako nang example. Best friends. Many of them will be built on years of shared experiences, good and bad. It is the hardships tsaka yung support that brings them closer. Yung mga fun times tsaka walang hanggang tawanan. Minsan, may mga pagtatalo pa nga. Now I remember a friend, itago na lang natin sa pangalang, ay wag na, di ko na lang papangalanan, pero pag nabasa niya ito, either ngingiti na lang siya or makakatanggap na lang ako nang message sa Facebook. LOL. I'll use his experience as an example.

Hindi siya nakikipag-sex sa dine-date niyang guy until the third date. Kapag may na-meet siyang guy and he is genuinely interested, he tries not to get naked straight away. He tries to keep it (G) rated at least for a few dates. May ganun siyang konsepto, which I actually admire. That's what I'm saying. Don’t let sex be the focus of your connection. Once the orgasm is passed, it’s easy to lose interest. Believe me. Sexual objectification is a real problem for gay men and you cannot hope to achieve intimacy in your life with people in whom your only connection is sexual.

Unless na sex lang ang gusto mo, then wag nang pakinggan o basahin ang entry na ito. But if you're looking into something, like a relationship, then this might help you. A great way to connect is to find an interest that you both enjoy. Minsan makikita at malalaman mo yan kapag magkasama kayo by asking or by hearing his stories. By then, you will be able to share it together and enjoy each others company. Mutual interests are a great way to stir conversation which is an essential part of connecting with somebody.

Pero alam ako din naman na lahat eh natatakot masaktan. But do understand that to achieve intimacy with a person, meron dapat level of vulnerability that we open ourselves up to. Sharing our feelings is part of the story, and so is allowing ourselves to be open to our feelings and mindful of the other person. Of course, you cannot be intimate with a brick wall, for a deeper relationship we must be prepared to put ourselves out there. Ganun talaga. It's an investment. Parang business lang yan, you cannot expect that it will gain revenue in an instant. May growing pains din yan.

With a few observations based from the people I have interacted with, and stories I've heard, I realized that there are many things that prevent people from achieving intimacy. But recognizing these things will actually help you to counter them when they pop up and knowing why you are resisting intimacy will give you a deeper insight in to yourself and allow you to work on these fears. There's fear of abandonment, rejection, being neglected, loss of control, exposure, and failure.

Some are threatened by loss of personal freedom. Yung iba because of low-esteem or sometime, yung tinatawag na trust issue. Meron din about having difficulty in expressing one's emotions or feelings. You see, a lot of reasons out there but in order to achieve what you want to achieve, you have to face it. You have to conquer it. Believe that it is possible to achieve intimacy without getting physical and the rewards of a relationship built this way are far greater than any single orgasm. Di pa ba sapat ako as an example, and my relationship with hubbee? LOL.

Sex brings us physically close but it is the touching of minds that makes that connection satisfying. Don’t be afraid to say “lets get to know each other first”. The rewards will be worth it.